Every weekday from 5AM to 8AM, the exit-only lane from 290 East onto 495 South backs up for a mile. The same thing happens getting on 495 North by the way but it doesn't bother me because I'm not getting on 495 North. This is about me... and the hundreds of people trying to get on 495 South with honor. We signaled early. We merged politely. We are adults.
Then someone comes flying up the empty middle lane. It is almost always an expensive car. And among the expensive cars, it is almost always an Audi. They put their blinker on at the very last second and nose in at the gore point like they're surprised the exit exists. Somebody lets them in. I don't blame them too much, but they really should be up super close to the car in front of them and maybe shifted over a bit. But it happens and it's not like you are trying to get into an accident during your commute into work.
I want to rent a helicopter, hover over the interchange, and hold them accountable.
Here is the plan. I hover at a legal and respectful altitude over the split. When someone skips the line, my spotter calls it. I hit them with a searchlight. Then a nine-foot white glove, hanging from a cable out the side door, lowers into view and pumps a slow, disapproving thumbs down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Until they think about what they did.
No yelling no honking and no license plates posted online. Just a big hand in the sky telling them we saw it and they suck.
The money below covers four weeks of rush hours. Anything over the goal goes to a second rental and glove, to cover the 495 North transfer.
| Helicopter rental with pilot4-seat piston helicopter, 2 hrs × 20 weekday rush hours, at $650/hr | $26,000 |
| Searchlight rental30-million-candela, mounted under the nose. Aimed at the roof, never the windshield. | $6,500 |
| InsuranceThe first three brokers laughed. The fourth asked for a deposit. | $4,000 |
| Giant glove, custom fabricated9 ft, white, fire-retardant foam, with cuff | $2,400 |
| Winch and actuator for the up-and-downVariable speed, from "mild disappointment" to "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" | $1,900 |
| Fuel surcharge and Dunkin' for the pilot | $1,000 |
| Total | $41,800 |
It is a regular garden glove for now. I held it out the car window on the Route 85 overpass to check the visibility. You can see it fine. Someone in a Silverado gave it a thumbs up back, which I'm counting as market validation.
One hung up. One asked if this was for a TV show. The third said, "What day?" We are going with the third.
Hovering is legal. Pointing is legal. Disapproval is protected speech. We are looking into the rest and will get back to you.
The beam goes on the roof of the car, the way a stage light finds an actor who forgot their lines. Everyone in the queue is already stopped, so they have time to enjoy it.
Passing more than 20 cars in the middle lane and then merging into the exit-only lane inside the last quarter mile. Merging early and honestly is fine. Being from out of state gets you one warning.
People ignore signs. There are already four of them. Nobody ignores a nine-foot glove coming down out of the sky.
Yes. Think of it as an offset.
Plan B is a very tall ladder and a regular-sized glove.